Dear Nike,

Tell him you are not interested in his proposal and that you find it very insulting and demeaning to your person. Why do you sound so helpless? Such an insulting proposal should not even be given any thoughts let alone consideration.

Through this proposal, this man has shown you in clear terms his regard for you and women generally. In the first place, being a married man, he shouldn't be making marriage proposal to other women. By the marriage creed, he isn't free to love another woman, let alone offer a marriage proposal.

That he did shows he has no regard for his wife or the damage marrying another woman would bring upon his children and wife. By asking for your hand in marriage, he not only exposes his family to the inherent danger of jealousy and rivalry synonymous with polygamy, but also exposes your future to pains and betrayals.

No matter what challenges he is experiencing in his marriage, asking you to marry him isn't an answer because nobody or marriage is perfect. A responsible man doesn't run away from challenges, instead he stays to find solutions to them.

If he can do it to one woman, it follows that he would do it to another woman. If you think he is offering you marriage out of a desire to be with you, think again of what his likely reactions would be when he faces the challenge of you wanting to have children of your own. Do you see him being there for you when you need him?

The simple truth is that he would never be yours no matter the assurances he gives you now. In the first place, he must share his time between you and his family. Because you are told you cannot have children for him, his loyalty would forever be with those children, not you. And think of that time when you become old and grey, who will keep you company, is it memories of your time together? A man who from day one never factored your interest in his plans beyond the joy of your body?

Apart from being married to another woman, asking for your hand in marriage and telling you it would exclude having children for him tells the sort of man he is.

He wants the pleasure of your body without the responsibility that goes with it. If you agree to his proposal, you will end up regretting it on all fronts. Not only will you serve as his sex machine, he also plans to deny you the respect every woman craves for as a person and in marriage. That is not all; he doesn't want you to have a child of your own while he has all the freedom to savour the thrills of parenthood.

Begin by making it very clear that you have a choice to either continue to work for him or quit the job. That being in his establishment doesn't in anyway accord him the right to play God in your life.

Resign! I agree it might not be an easy option considering the difficulties associated with getting employment, but it would remove you from his direct control and temptation. The suffering you think would come without having a job would be nothing compared to the aches and loneliness of accepting his proposal. At any rate, there is no guarantee you would still have a job if you turn down his requests, so why not honourably resign and save yourself further humiliation and undue pressures?

Also, let him know if he is having problems with his marriage, he should be bold enough to tackle the problem without involving you or any other woman. He should also be told that you have no intention of playing a spoiler in another woman's marriage because you also crave for happiness in your life, and because of this you will never be party to destroying another woman's home.

There is also the issue of doing what is right before God. As a woman, how would you feel if your husband marries another woman? God made them an item; don't allow this man's selfishness to make you do something you will end up regretting later.

Ask God for strength to do the right thing.

Good luck.