Falilat sat on the sofa and wondered what she could do to save her marriage from the impending collapse that seemed to be on its way. She could no longer deny that she had missed her husband who had parked out of their matrimonial home just a month before the delivery of their fourth child. Sule had refused to yield to every plea to return to his home after the last fight he had with his wife, Falilat. Not even the news of her giving birth to a baby boy moved him to have a rethink. He maintained that she was a witch and that he no longer feel safe with her around. He also attributed his many misfortunes to her evil ways.

he last fight they had was very severe. It was the second in two months. It left Sule with injuries on his head and arms as a result of the stabs he sustained. Falilat had also suffered seriously and almost lost her pregnancy as a result of the brawl.

It all started with an argument until it got out of hand and Sule gave a dirty slap to his pregnant wife, which landed her on the floor. Almost immediately, she noticed a trickle of blood between her legs and in a bid to save herself and the pregnancy, she reached out for the nearest thing to her for defense; it was a bottle. In the fight, she had hit Sule with the bottle while he battered her with his hands. They had to be separated by neighbours.

The relationship between Falilat and her husband had not always been this turbulent. When they first met each other at a party organised by Sule's uncle they liked each other immediately. After their first meeting at the party, Sule visited his newfound love in her home and was warmly welcomed.

Then. Sule was still staying alone. He had just concluded his National Youth Service Corp (NYSC) and was yet to secure a job. His nieces and nephews who were quite young had learnt to stay away from his house. Though they lived not too far from him, they seldom come over to his place. They knew they were likely going to get whipped by their uncle (Sule) who was quite peculiar in everything he does. He was the type of person that wanted things to be done in a particular way and no other. He would complain if anyone was too loud around him or did the slightest thing that made him uncomfortable. But Falilat's case was different with Sule. After knowing each other for barely a month or two, she began to spend the weekend at his place and left early on Monday mornings. After about a year into the relationship, she began having friction with Sule.

They would argue and there were times that he would not call her for days, but afterwards they would come back and settle their differences by having sex. Finally, after about five years of living together, they formalised their union by getting married. About eight years into their marriage which was characterised by regular fights, Sule lost his job. This was at a time when they needed to move to another apartment because the one in which they lived had become too small for their fast growing family. Falilat's trading business bore the burden for the rent of the new apartment and other expenses that accompanied the relocation. Soon, she had no choice than to spend her own money to keep her children and husband from starving. She made up her mind to fill the gap that was created by her husband's inability to secure a job on time.

However, Sule's efforts to find a job were taking more time than he had thought and this situation made him very irritable in the home. He would flare up over the slightest opposition to his opinions and was quick to attribute everything to the fact that Falilat, not him, was now the breadwinner in the home. At a point, Sule had to move out of the home.

Falilat's heart pounds heavily as she wonders what she could do to repair the break in her marriage. She feared that she might have the onerous task of raising her four children alone if something was not done the way things were going.

The way we relate to people around us matters greatly. Many people desire to have a successful marriage, but they care less about the relationship they share with other people around them. They are misled to think that when they get married they would treat their

spouses like queens and kings. But the truth is that time does reveal who we really are. Sule's intolerant attitudes could be seen in his relationship with his nieces and nephews and it was still the bane of his marriage to Falilat. The period of courtship is a very important one, as it is the time to discover the real character of the person we want to get married to, and to ask ourselves whether we can cope with his or her weaknesses. Sule and Falilat's affair was lopsided as it was marred with premarital sex. What is lost when we engaged in premarital sex far outweighs the momentary pleasure it offers. First, we come under the judgment of God, the Almighty who created us and abhors any sexual relationship between two people who are not legally married. (1 Corinthians 6:9 says: "Do you not know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves: those who indulge in sexual sins, idol worshippers...none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God"). Secondly, the whole aim of the courtship is defeated as sex takes the center of the relationship and the whole process of truly getting to know each other is pushed to the backbench. It totally blinds us from many the issues we should take note of. Little wonder Falilat could not smell danger in spite of the many disagreements and quarrels that characterised her relationship with Sule even before they got married. When two people who intend to marry each other notice that they are always in disagreement and dispute, they should re-evaluate their relationship, because "two people cannot walk together except they agree" (Amos 3:3). There are other reasons pre-marital sex is inimical to every relationship - the risk of contacting sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and the pain we go through when a relationship is no longer feasible.

For more information on how to choose the right life partner, please get the book, "How To Choose a Life Partner: 165 Questions to Ask."

One of the worst things that can happen to a man is for him to lose his job. He automatically comes under pressure because a man by creation is a provider and anything that tampers with his ability to provide for his home has tampered with his self-confidence and pride. However, Sule's character flaws made matters worse when he lost his job. Rather than being thankful to God for giving him a wife that was industrious, he allowed his masculine ego to get the better part of him. Spouses, especially husbands need not feel downgraded when God uses their wives to help them in the journey of life. Afterall, the woman is known as "the help meet" which in essence means the suitable help. Even when we have arguments and disagreements with our spouses, it is necessary that we do not get physical. One wrong action was what led to the bloody braw between Sule and Falilat and now he sees his wife who has had four children for him as a witch. I will strongly advise that both Sule and Falilat let God take control of their lives so that the marriage can be saved. If you are in a marriage that is troubled and you do not know the way forward, rather than seek divorce, I will advise you to bring it before the one that can heal every wounded union, Jesus Christ. If you are yet to have a relationship with him, I advise that you do so today by asking Jesus Christ to come into your life, to be your personal Lord and saviour. He loves you more than you can ever comprehend. But you must choose today to say yes to him and you will receive the love of God. If you will like to give your life to Christ, please say this prayer after me: Dear heavenly father, I come to you today and ask you to forgive my sins. I believe in my heart that Jesus Christ is the son of God. I believe that he was raised from the dead for my justification and I confess him now as my Lord and saviour. Thank you for saving me. Amen!