Who are you? I'm sure you have heard this question, severally. As common as it sounds, the answer is not as easy as you may think. Usually, you would hear this kind of question when two parties are either quarreling or about to yank their throats off..."Who do you think you are? Do you know me? If you know who I am, you wouldn't have touched me in the first place! If you touch me again, you will know me!" ...but have you really taken time out to ponder this life- changing question?

The warring parties would usually end the fight with bloodstained faces and still not know who they are. In fact, it becomes even more difficult to tell who your opponent is when his face is 'disfigured'. Is it not ironical that 'identity' rather than 'cause' is the basis for most fights? Unfortunately, during fights all sense of reasoning is lost. You know...I wish we could sometimes pause for a while and listen to ourselves before taking decisions that may have long-term, sweeping effects. Ok. Let's say in the cause of the fight one party realises that his or her opponent is a police officer, does that still answer the identity question? No. Why? Because what you do does not necessarily define who you are. At best, it only gives a hint. Please, don't let my thoughts confuse you. Just follow me. I'm going somewhere.

I recall one time I got into a near fistfight with someone, who was obviously out to frustrate my life. We had been trading words for quite sometime until he yelled, "Who are you?" I stopped for a second and thought about it. When the answer dawned on me, I simply picked up my car keys and left the place. I'm sure he must have wondered what came over me. People who really know me will tell you I am not given to cowardice. So what exactly came over me? I'll tell you what came over me. It is called COMMONSENSE. Having known who I am (I'm talking individuality here, not necessarily personality) why then would I condescend so low as to fight a man who is obviously enmeshed in an identity crisis. Let's narrow down to the crux of this lecture for as you may have known my way of thinking, this lecture is not really about physical fights. I have rather chosen this standpoint as a metaphor for thrashing out reasons many people fail in business and life.

Categorically, we all must agree that we have been, at one time or the other, in a fight with our career, business or life. Believe me, these fights are rooted in the fact that we do not or may not have known (partially or wholly) who we really are. I'm sure you are beginning to get the picture. It is true we may not have physical wounds to show but our business world is full of employees and entrepreneurs with psychosomatic injuries. How can I tell? Very simple; all I need to do is take a good look at the goods and services you offer. Like I often warn people, "you have to open your eyes and ears, because behind every troubled brand, is an even more troubled brand owner".

I was brought up to believe that every problem has a solution... so how can we best avoid or overcome this identity dilemma? Answer- by simply searching ourselves. Now, even though I've used the word "simply" effortlessly, self-research is not an "indomie" (two-minute) project. It takes quite sometime. You may even need the help of an individuality consultant. When properly done, however, it can save you and your employees loads of unnecessary career/ business heartaches and of course lots of money too. What I am about to tell you next may sound unbelievable but it is the truth; "many bank managers and oil executives don't know who they really are, they are yet to find themselves". Surprised, right?! Dear friend, what we are discussing today has nothing to do with the number of degrees you have. You may have more degrees than a thermometer and still not know who you are...period! Yes, they may drive large cars and leave in houses with well-manicured lawns, deep inside they know that they are either in the wrong profession or are 'not themselves'.

So, how do we kill this 'identity killer" Like I said earlier, some of us may need to see a consultant (it's that serious). Other less worrisome situation may require answering the following deceptively easy questions.

1. If life offered you a chance to be someone else, what blend of two celebrated people would you most likely be and why?

2. Forget your current status and take a mental journey into your growing years, did anyone or group of persons consistently make remarks (even 'negative' ) about who they think you are or should be? Remember, we are looking for clues here

3. What are people currently 'saying' about you? It's never too late to become you, you know.

4. In spite of your profession and position in the office, what kind of people surround you. There is what is called individual attraction-it is very different from professional attraction.

5. Aside from books that have to do with your current profession, what other books do you find yourself reading? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you read these books?

6. Can you recall three major turning points in your life? Think again, do you really think they are/were turning points? Why would you consider them turning points? From some of my coaching sessions, I have discovered that what some people call turning points are actually the points they made the biggest mistakes.

7. What are your top 10 beliefs concerning your 'destiny'. I deliberately do not want to use the word "life". Our religious beliefs go a great way in determining who we are or think we are meant to be.

6. Finally, ask your spouse or 'most trusted friend' this question- "If I weren't ... who or what do you think I would have been?"

I asked this question a long time ago and the answer I got shocked me. It shocked me into the reality of who I am today. It's never too late to use your commonsense. Go where you really belong.